


Savarin

by natsubaki



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Childhood, Depression, Family, Gen, Growing Up, Mental Health Issues, Moral Ambiguity, Musical References, Tokyo Ghoul: re
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-18 17:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4714346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natsubaki/pseuds/natsubaki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What stands as the very essence of the desire to eat?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Savarin

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written for SMASH! Con 2015's Fanfiction Competition, Ficlet category (1000 words or less). The prompt was "How far from animals are we really?" – John Roderick.

erst ( _Körper_ ).  
  
It’s the first time he had known hunger. The first time the kagune had shown itself.  
  
His mother had rejoiced at the sight of it, tutting over his ripped shirt and marveling over the color and shape. “My, a koukaku just like your papa. Oh, Shuu-chan, he’ll be so pleased.”

He remembers how she’d dabbed the blood away from his face. An expensive silk handkerchief. It had felt soft and oddly cool against his cheek. At his feet had lain the body of a household staff member, red seeping onto the courtyard tiles.

The way the body had fallen, the strangely sweet scent in the air—that moment in time had been burnt into Tsukiyama Shuu’s memory. The maid had looked like she’d been covered in roses.

It’d been the first time, and the only time.

At a distance, his father had stood and observed, a crease between his brows. Shuu can’t remember the way his father had looked; the late morning sun had reflected off his father’s glasses, shielding his eyes from view.

Later that day, his father had taken him aside and taught him the standards of eating for someone of their pedigree.

 

zweite ( _Stunde_ ).  
  
He is a tiny boy, delicate and frail-looking. He is always crying. Always alone.

His name is Kanae. A child of the rose forest.

Shuu doesn’t like sadness—it’s a fog that permeates anything it touches, lingering uninvited. And so he’d given the child a taste of home, tucked a reminder into the child’s breast pocket.

There aren’t any tears after that.

Sometimes they play together, Kanae faltering lines of Schumann on his violin while Shuu accompanies on the piano. Other times, Shuu reads to him after Matsumae’s lessons are completed, from a collection of _Märchen_ that he thinks suits the boy. Once, Shuu had discovered Kanae eating by himself in a corner: scraps from the kitchen, meant to have been thrown away. Tutting, he’d taken his pocket square and had wiped the child’s hands and face.

That day, Shuu had taught Kanae, just as his father had done for him. To be selective, to not let hunger dictate one’s actions like wild beasts. To cultivate the palate. To do otherwise would soil the Tsukiyamas’ high-standing reputation.

Kanae grows into the household, becoming a trusted and capable servant. His face still looks like it belongs to one of the fair folk, but it also carries a maturity beyond his years. Kanae remembers to hold his head high, is at Shuu’s side almost immediately when called. Sometimes, Shuu doesn’t have to call. But although Kanae hangs upon Shuu’s every word, sometimes Shuu wonders if Kanae truly considers their house as a home.

At night, Shuu can hear a soft melody from beyond Kanae’s door.

_Wenn ich ein Vöglein wär, und auch zwei Flüglein hätt, flög ich zu dir.  
Weils aber nicht kann sein..._

 

dritte ( _Raubtier_ ).  
  
The kagune pierces cleanly, easily. He’s gotten better at this, since hunting has now become a regular part of his duties.

Strangely, it never feels like murder. He is merely a predator; they are his food. Strong versus weak. The weak become food for the strong. It is the natural order of things.

Predator. Animal. Ghoul.

Kanae doesn’t think there’s much difference between the three. Selecting and stalking prey, overpowering them, watching as they take their last breaths and their bodies cease to move… Although he’d been instructed otherwise, Kanae can’t help but feel like some lowly creature in these moments, scratching its way to survival.

It’s in these moments that he has to remind himself why he’s doing this. _For whom_ he’s doing this.

He sings to himself, soft as a whisper. _Da ist in meinem Herzen die Liebe aufgegangen..._

Although he would never admit it—he is a proud member of the Tsukiyama household, after all—Kanae wishes he could be removed from death. To purchase meat from the market like humans did. To have one’s nourishment presented in a clean package, without being the wiser as to from where it had come.

Kanae extracts his kagune and examines the corpse. Today, he is lucky.

It would do.

 

vierte ( _Tod_ ).  
  
It breaks his heart, with every passing day, with every new bone added to the pile. Rends it into tiny pieces that he collects and tapes together, only to be torn apart again.

His Shuu-sama now consumes without discrimination, humans and ghouls alike. His once-empty room now houses a collection of bones. Kanae can only watch helplessly as his Shuu-sama’s kagune coils around its owner’s body and latches on, seeking nutrients it had been deprived of for so long.

There is nothing he can do. Nothing except deliver batches upon batches of meat. Witness his master claw at himself in agony. The room smells of salt, a deep sadness, and a sharp undercurrent of death.

He won’t allow himself to cry, but his body doesn’t obey his commands. Kanae is certain to never let his tears show before his master.

Sometimes, just outside his Shuu-sama’s doorway, Kanae sings to him, to himself.

_ Schlafe bei silbernem Schein, schlafe, mein Prinzchen, schlaf’ ein... _

Kanae grits his teeth, records in his mind every cry and anguished scream.

His beautiful, poor, pitiful Shuu-sama...

Kaneki Ken had brought out the beast in him.

 

fünfte ( _Geburt_ ).  
  
This feeling of the kakuja kagune against his skin… Shuu wonders if it had felt the same for his Kaneki-kun.

He wonders what has he become. He knew the risks.

His mind easily drifts in this form: Shuu has to fight to stay present, to keep himself in control, to stay-

-human?

No, he’d never been human to begin with. That had been Kaneki’s battle.

He is a ghoul. This is just another part of that life.

Shuu feels himself slipping away, but a familiar scent brings him back. He knows this fragrance, from a lifetime ago. It’s marred by the decaying stench of a quinque.

The name is unfamiliar on his tongue.

“ _Bonjour_ , Sasaki-kun.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this right before chapter 35 of :re came out, so I was delightfully surprised when Kanae singing to himself in German became canon! The songs referenced are “Wenn ich ein Vöglein wär”/“If I Were a Little Bird” (a traditional German children’s song), “Dichterliebe” by Robert Schumann, and “Schlafe, mein Prinzchen, schlaf' ein”/“Sleep, My Little Prince, Sleep” (a traditional German lullaby).
> 
> I'll backdate this fic in about a month to reflect its submission date.


End file.
